Everybody wants to know what Watch Jesus would wear
and today they’re gonna find out.
I might be the world’s most famous watchmaker
and I might look a bit like him,
but I’m no Jesus expert. So what do we actually know about him?
Now what we do know for certain about Jesus is that he is white
American and loves Donald Trump.
So initially I put him in this lovely little Trump 2 tonne chronograph,
but after a while I thought
maybe the gold was a bit too flashy
for someone that claims to be an everyman.
And if you actually want one of these,
they’re shockingly still available to buy.
So next I start to think about how Jesus was a carpenter.
Here’s a lovely picture of his dad Joseph
training him to be a carpenter while his whore of a mother
Mary looks on. So I was thinking maybe something in wood,
maybe a nice wooden watch.
Then I thought even someone who’s stupid
enough to believe their own mother is a virgin
isn’t stupid enough to buy a wooden watch.
If you’ve ever bought a wind watch,
please let us know in the comments so we can all laugh at you
so we all know, even though Christians don’t like to talk about it,
Jesus was roided off his fucking tits.
So then I thought, what about a nice Garmin watch for him?
And he’s probably on a carnivore diet
and he’s probably doing some kind Of intermittent fasting.
And I don’t know anything about intermittent fasting,
but do you have to time it?
I don’t know. He could definitely use this,
though, to time his Polar Plunge ice baths,
cause we know he’s definitely doing those.
But then I thought, this isn’t an everyday watch.
This is probably just something he wears
while he’s doing the training for the Bethlehem
Leprosy Awareness Half Marathon.
So what else could he wear?
What about something a bit more classy?
A nice Rolex, the watch of the Neptune Babies.
Because remember, Jesus was the first ever Neptune baby.
So how’s about this reference 1016 Explorer,
the first ever adventure and climbing watch.
And Jesus obviously love claiming.
Here’s a nice photograph of him claiming up onto his own crucifix.
But honestly me, I would not be claiming up that ladder.
That does not look secured at all.
But even though this is a really amazing and beautiful watch,
it’s still not a watch of the people.
And that is why
there could only be one choice for the watch of the everyman,
that being the Casio F91W.
You can get one for under $10.
It’s probably the best value watch that’s ever existed.
They still make 3 million of them a year.
Rolex only makes 1 million watches a year.
There are over 100 million of these in existence.
And at a certain point,
the American government was locking people in Guantanamo Bay
just cause they’re wearing this watch
because they Believe it could be used to create I. E. D’s.
So if you’re pissing off the American government,
you’re probably on the side of the little people.
If you wanna learn more about watches and actual watchmaking,
go and check out the Rob in the regulator podcast with myself
and my best mate, Rob.
He’s an XAP watchmaker who then went on to work for Richard Mille
and go and give him a follow on TikTok as well.