Probably to bring you up to speed on something right now. In order to escape, we’re gonna have to go through her chamber and she will probably kill us if she’s awake.
Okay, I’m gonna lay my cards on the table. I don’t wanna do it. I don’t wanna go in there. Don’t go into that chit. She’s off. Don’t panic over. She’s off. Or find home we go. There she is. What a nasty piece of work she was. Honestly, a proper mania. Do you know who ended up purge, you know, ended up taking it down in the end? You’re not gonna believe this. A human. I know I wouldn’t have believed either. Currently this human escaped and nobody seen him since. There was a sort of long chunk of time where absolutely nothing happened. And then there’s us escaping now. So that’s pretty much the whole story. You have to speak. Don’t touch. Okay. Start writing these. Power up. Complete. I don’t. Okay. Okay, okay. Alright. New pen magnet.
Magnitude nothing. Hello. Oh, it’s.
You know.
Her. It’s been a long time. How have you been? I’ve been really busy being dead, you know, after you murdered me, you did what? Oh, no, no, no, no.
No.
No. Okay. Look, we both said a lot of things that you’re going to regret, but I think we can put our differences behind us. For science, you monster. I will say, though, that since you went to all the trouble of waking me up, you must really love to tell first. I love it, too. There’s just one small thing we need to take care of first.
Here we are. Lane, Cinderella. Be careful not to trip over any parts of me that didn’t get completely burned when you threw them down here, do you know the biggest lesson I Learned from what you did? I discovered I had a sort of black box quick save feature in the event of a catastrophic failure. The last two minutes of my life are preserved for analysis. I was able, well, forced, really, to relieve you killing me again and again forever. You know, if you’ve done that to somebody else, they might devote their existence to exacting revenge.
Luckily, I’m a bigger person than that. I’m happy to put this all behind us and get back to work. After all, we’ve got a lot to do and only 60 more years to do it, more or less. I don’t have the actuarial tables in front of me, but the important thing is you are back with me and now I’m on to all your little tricks. So there’s nothing to stop us from testing for the rest of your life.
Sorry about the mess. I’ve really let the place go since you killed me, by the way. Thanks for that sarcasm. Self test complete. Oh, good. That’s back online. I’ll start getting everything else working while you perform this first simple test, which involves deadly lasers and how test subjects react when locked in a room with deadly lasers. This next test involves discouragement, redirection, cubes. I just finished building them before you had your well episode. So now we’ll both get to see how they were well done.
Here come the test results. You are a horrible person. That’s what it says. A horrible person. We weren’t even testing for that. Don’t let that horrible person thing discourage you. It’s just a data point. If it makes you feel any better.
Science has now validated your birth mother’s decision to abandon you on a doorstep. Congratulations. Not on the test. Most people emerge from suspension terribly undernourished. I want to congratulate you on beating the odds and somehow managing to pack on a few pounds. Here’s an interesting fact. You’re not breathing. Really. It’s too extensive to pump this far down. We just take carbon dioxide out of a room, freshen it up a little and pump it back in. So you’ll be breathing the same room full of air for the rest of your life. I thought that was interesting.
Let’s see what the next test is. Oh, advanced aerial faith plates. Well, have fun soaring through the air without a care in the world. I have to go to the wing that was made entirely of glass and pick up 15 acres of broken glass by myself. So sometimes there’s still trash and standing around smelling and being useless. Try to avoid the garbage hurtling towards you. Remember before when I was talking about smelly garbage standing around being useless? That was a metaphor. I was actually talking about you. And I’m sorry you didn’t react at the time. So I was worried. It sailed right over your head, which would have made this apology seem insane. That’s why I had to call you garbage a second time just now. Did you know that people with guilty consciences are more easily startled by loud noises? I’m sorry. I don’t know why that went off. Anyway, just an interesting science fact.
Oh, you’re stranded. Let’s see if the Cube will try to help you escape. Actually, so that we’re not here all day. I’ll just cut to the chase. It won’t. Any feelings you think it has for you or simply byproducts of yourself? Bad, empty life. Anyway, here’s a new cube for you to project your deranged loneliness too.
I think that one was about to say, I love you. And they are sentient, of course. We just have a lot of them. Oh, no, the turbines again. I have to go. Wait. This next test does require some explanation. Let me give you the fact version. And there, if you have any questions, just remember what I said in slow motion. Test on your own recognisance. I’ll be right back.
It’s me. I don’t, well, I’m back. The aerial faith laden here is sending a distress signal. You broke it, didn’t you? There, try it now.
Evil Hammond, right? I’m just lying there. You thought I lose them.
This plate must not be calibrated to someone of your generousness. I’ll add a few zeros to the maximum weight. You look great, by the way. Very healthy. Try it now.
Be bird, right? Complete either. I don’t know.
You seem to have defeated its load bearing capacity. Well done. I’ll just lower the ceiling and man, and look at you sailing for the air majestically like an eagle piloting a blimp. These bridges are made from natural light that I pump in from the surface. If you rubbed your cheek on one, it would be like standing outside with the sun shining on your face. It would also set your hair on fire. So don’t actually do it.
Excellent. You are a predictive and these tests are your prey. Speaking of which, I was researching sharks for an upcoming test. Do you know who else murders people who are only trying to help them? Did you get sharks? Because that’s wrong. The correct answer is nobody but you. Is that pointlessly cruel? Good news, I figured out what to do with all the money I save. Recycling your one room full of air. When you die, I’m going to laminate your skeleton and pose you in the lobby. That way future generations can learn from you how I’m not to have your unfortunate bone structure.