Navigating the Pitfalls of Parasocial Relationships: A Personal Reflection

Parasocial relationships are a hell of a drug
I know what you’re thinking
“oh the random lady who yells about plants and mushrooms
has an opinion on parasocial relationships?”
yeah I do
um because even though I am a fraction of how famous
and recognizable Chappell is
parasocial relationships have made my life worse
and I’d like to talk to you about some prime examples uh
for reference because the last few years um
kind of feels like it’s not real
um what with the ✨panorama✨
the ✨🧬Panda Express🧬✨
my content started going viral when everyone was in lockdown
so in a similar but much smaller way than chappell’s
I did not get a gradual easing into being a recognized person
and a person on the internet
while moving throughout the world in real time
by the time things here in Columbus
where I live started opening back up in like
mid 2021 I already had millions of followers
and I have been inside or by myself
or just out with my partner in the woods while all of this was happening
so it wasn’t like I was you know
going to the gym everyday
and little by little more people were like
“oh hey
I saw that video” okay
I went to my first concert after not having really seen people in a year
and a half
and I I had to leave early because people were cutting in
they were like
shoving my friends out of the way to talk to me
and that does not
we can’t be doing that
I was at a wedding I’m not gonna specify whose wedding
because I actually feel like the person I’m talking about
is probably going to see this video
and I have known the person who was getting married for
pretty much my entire life
and the person who came up to me
also has known the person getting married for their entire life
and honestly has probably been in the same room as me several times
just when I was younger and before all of this happened
we were at a reception dinner
and when I tell you this other attendee of the wedding screamed at me
like ran at me and screamed at me so loudly that I got scared
and I fell backwards and busted the back of my foot open
and it was just because she was like
so stoked to see me which like
it is an amazing feeling that people are moved by art that you make
by content that you make by stories that you tell
by knowledge that you share
but like
we can’t be out here screaming at strangers!!
we can’t be out here screaming at strangers
three weeks ago I hid in an airport bathroom for about an hour because I was having
like the worst day
my cluster headaches were cluster headacheing
my flight home had gotten delayed three times
and I hadn’t been home in a while
so I was just really sad and really homesick
I was altitude sick as all get out
and I out of the corner of my eye
while I was talking to my fiance on the phone
letting them know what was going on with my flight
I see this whole family
easing in, like staring because
and I’m gonna tell you this right now
and I’ve been the one doing this in public too
if you think you’re being slick staring at someone
if you think you’re being sneaky
you’re not
they absolutely know
and at that point if you’re going to stare
you might as well just go ahead and go and talk to them
because the anxiety of the what’s gonna happen sucks
this family was eyeing me and slowly moving in closer
and I knew that they were heading to the same place that I was
because they were wearing
one of them was wearing a shirt
it was very specific to my home state
and I I couldn’t do it
I I couldn’t do it that day
I think if one more stranger had come up to me
and if I had had to try and fake smile for one more person that day
I think it would have broke me
I think something in my brain would have broken
and I I think those strangers would have had to watch me cry
the thing that was nice oh
my god I’m getting too impassioned
the thing that was nice is
they were obviously waiting for me to get off of the phone
before coming and talking to me
but also it doesn’t feel great to have people just staring at you
while you’re on the phone
telling your fiance about how your day is just not
not going according to plan
and so I stayed on the phone with my fiance until I went into a bathroom
and I just hid in the stalls um
for like
right until my plane was boarding
when people see you and they recognise you
and I think it is especially if they recognise you from their phone
not from a television screen
a movie screen or even the screen of like
a desktop computer for say
maybe some of the golden age Youtubers
if they got to know you through their phone
people feel so entitled to your time and your space
because they feel like y’all are besties already
I’m also like
a little weird about strangers touching me
my parents were not very cuddly people
and so by proxy I’m not very cuddly with people until I know them very well
and everyone
and I I guess it’s because my personality is warm
which is wonderful everyone wants a hug
and some days I can do it and some days I cannot
I had a neighbour who moved in very close to me who was a fan of my work
and they would listen for me to be out in my yard
working on my garden or talking to any of the other neighbours
and they would come bolting out and just dominate my time for so long
just looking past any cues I was giving them
that I needed to finish the chores I was doing
or needed to go and do something else
and it got so bad that I was afraid of being out in my own front yard
until they moved
parasocial relationships are crazy
and I don’t even know what the solution is
it’s so amazing
and it’s so flattering that people love me and love the content that I create
and I don’t know why that doesn’t translate to treating a person
the way you would want to be treated
or the way you would want a loved one to be treated if they were in my position
so yeah
I’ve just been thinking about Chappell’s videos a lot lately
and I can’t stop thinking about the people in her comments
who are saying that they are essentially entitled to photos following etc
because she wanted this she wanted to be able to make a living off of her art
I wanted to be able to make a living off of my art
that doesn’t mean that we are signing up to be sad and uncomfortable
all the time
End rant