I wanna do this video and I’m laying down, begin the stages of grieving and it hit me now I think about my mother’s mother. So many places and spaces, Ben country, then and now.
Her students love her, her colleagues love her, the nurses love her that she work with. The people in the hospital loved her. You can go so many places and spaces and one minute if you’re enjoying your life, your entirety, your time being on earth and you get sick, kids are hits. It’s just so surreal how an impactful force in my life is gone. And it’s like you can have the record spin and spin so long. And I’m just using this as a description of what I feel and see in my mind.
You can have a record spending so long for so many years nonstop, and then the record stops. It’s not playing no more. The sound of life, the beauty of life, the experiences of life is gone. And it hurts me and feels like the gates are closing.
Had a really beautiful childhood, really beautiful, modest upbringing, a really colorful, vibrant childhood. I had a joyous childhood. So equipments of that is being removed. I lost my great grandmother. You know, I lost my mother’s mother and it hurts.
I was thinking this morning while I was preparing lunch that, you know, unfortunate that creator have giving me a beautiful bloodline, a beautiful, strong women, and I wouldn’t have it no other way in this lifetime. I honestly wouldn’t have it any other way. I wouldn’t wanna have it any other way as far as having the genetic synergies, a phenomenal, you know, top tier humans, successful, intelligent, incredible melanated women. And it wasn’t just any other human being. There was extraordinary, my father’s mother, my mother’s mother, extraordinary souls. And they had so much to show for so much education, so much a nurturing, so much teaching, so much glamour, so much style, so much sophistication.
And when I look up at my ceiling, I remember I had a lunch with my father’s mother in New York, and I’ll never forget cuz I’m so busy that I looked up at the sky and I thank the creator for giving me her. In his lifetime, I never had a chance to thank the ethers for my father’s mother. Cuz I’m late. I’m a busy woman. I don’t have my time.
I don’t own my time anymore. So yeah, I just released it to eat this. Thank you. And Mark, early years, my childhood, I’m trying my artist not to cry. My early years, but definitely my childhood, I would think to eat this for my father’s mother and my mother’s mother, my grandmother.
I would think this the guy into that guy. So I got into my 20s and I understand, you know, source where we come from. And I don’t know who, why the creator favored me.
You know, I’m so hopeless and helpless at times and I’m so fragile and sensitive. You know, my mother say, you’re so sensitive. You, you know, my ex says I’m so sensitive. You know, I’m a sensitive Libra, you know, and I just wanna say God is real and the creator, I’m doing this video to say the creator has been good to me.
I wish that I was more closer. Sue, my mother’s mother. The last time I saw was 2012. Casa Guana Cyberclime. Agua necesita Castle. Y Amanizo. Sometimes. A axe mas belf.
What is that come here what the Guy give my espíritu fea, muy. Ay, dijimos. Worry me. Why these genes disintegrants dispute all came from two beautiful women. But that is the source. That’s my essence. That’s my spirit. That’s my soul.
That’s my blood. Those are my cells. Now, cuz my genetic makeup is my father’s mother and my mother’s mother, because if I didn’t have both of them, I wouldn’t be here, never mind the external world, the physical world, the spiritual world. And it’s a spiritual thing. You just don’t come here.
You come from source. You come from another human. Then that other human come from another human than that. Hume comes from another human. But that entity lives in us, in its exchange, in its recycle, then exchanged again.
My mother’s mother is a divine entity and I’m grateful, immensely grateful to have herself, her aura, her smile. And this is, it hurts my soul. It hurts. It’s, it don’t we feel real? So I’m grieving. And this is me grieving. I know my great grandmother. I know she’s in a good realm.
She was a saint. She never did, mom. She was always sweet. Like, how have you been sweep my entire life? I just realized that my great grandmother died when I was 18 years old. One plus eight is nine.
So she did her time here and it all adds up. One plus eight is nine. She died when I was 18. And from a baby till now, she loved us and never stop loving me and my brother and all her grandkids. She got to see all her grandkids. And I don’t wanna cry, but life is beautiful if you just think about it in, you know, stop in smell of flowers. And I get the smell of flowers, but nevertheless.
Tesis maxime to. Touch and say thank you. Drama. Your granddaughter loves you and she misses you. And I wish that I could see you one last time and tell you I love you and help you and say thank you for loving me since I was a child and being there for me when I.
Oh, my God. Being there for me at my lowest. Not humiliated me. You never judged me, never disrespected me. You have never did anything catastrophic. So we have never done nothing to me. And I know your weight being and I hope you’re with me. And I know that. I know. I know that this is not over. I know. Life is not over and now teh. Aja tau pasti you again. Itu sih wajar. It is ok. How g sih oke.
Tahu tahu Pak Ahok pagi susi you gan keju. So beautiful now think sby. Thanks. Give me a daughter. Thanks for giving me, my aunt said. My uncles, my mother sighted a family, all normal, never disrespected me, never stolen from me, never disrespected me ever. And I wish that I spent more time with you while you was alive. And I wish you know who I was and how much we kept in touch. I wish I didn’t distance myself because of your relationship with your daughter, but you always opened the door for me when I needed you and I came to you. You never close the door any and just, oh, boy, just wanna say thank you for loving me. And I was at my darkest. You never shine me. He never humiliated me. And I owe you everything. Not. I wouldn’t say, oh, I hope that I get to return to you. And I know that we don’t live here long, but I beg the creator, so let me connect with you and see you again. I love your grandma. I love you. Thank you. And hope I get to see you again. That’s my only wish. If the creator can give me that wish to see you again. You have been nothing but good to me and my brother and your daughters and your family. Even on your own, you’re a clean grandma. You got to see the world, grandma. I travel the world, grandma. I’m not taken this lightly. You’re loved and I hope to see you when a creator brings me to you. I love you.