Chin Squad,
put your hands together for the long anticipated reunion of what? DDC.
DDC? DDC.
Put a J with a G, you get DDC.
The gas face. What the hell is the DDC?
I don’t know, but I love it.
The DDC is the dope denim crew.
Our 20 year high school reunion is tonight,
and the party is 90s theme,
so we’re dressing the way we did back then,
aka Hella Fresh. Can’t wait to see everyone we graduated with
and lie to them about what I’ve been up to for my own amusement.
It’s gonna be Fib City population Gina Clooney.
But, Jake,
how could you be excited to return to your high school,
the scene of tattle gate? What’s tattle gate?
Why haven’t I heard anything about it?
It was junior year, and Jake was riding high.
Charles, no one wants to hear this story from you.
It was junior year, and Jake was riding high.
Sophomore year was rough. But now I was back with a hot new look.
An earring and long hair, which was my look.
He just copied it, and it worked.
I was finally cool
and becoming friends with the most popular kid in school.
Brandon Bliss. Dope name.
Sounds hot. He was Hot,
Rosa. For the record,
he could barely read. He didn’t have to read, Gina.
He lost his virginity when he was 12 years old,
which is horrifying, but it wasn’t back then.
Back then, it was everything
He asked me to ditch class one day with him and his buddies,
steal a school van and go get drunk at his parents cabin.
But the day before we were supposed to go,
someone ratted Brandon out and he got suspended.
He thought I was the one who told.
And from that day forward,
everyone called me the Tattler.
Tattler? It’s a sexy nickname.
It was not a sexy nickname.
It was a scarlet letter. And it ruined my senior year.