see these boys these are our boys and we have decided not to raise tough boys and that might sound crazy but when you raise your kids to be tough or you tell them to toughen up what you’re teaching them is how to mask true emotions that they’re feeling in order to appear strong and what happens is these tough little boys grow up to be men who are only capable of expressing one emotion and that emotion is anger from it pushing down their own feeling so much like a beach ball underwater that when that boundary finally breaks it comes out as temper throwing things yelling but instead what we’re teaching our boys is to feel deeply and to allow yourself to feel those feelings and that even the negative emotions that we experience as human beings are there to protect us so for instance if my son comes home and he was left out of something I don’t say get over it or toughen up what I say is hey that really sucks and I know exactly what that feels like and it really hurts and in allowing themselves to feel those things they’re able to be more deeply empathetic in other situations where they may see someone being left out but when we say things like get over it or toughen up you’re telling them that those feelings aren’t valid and then they are not able to see those feelings as valid in other people so you end up raising selfish narcissist men who can’t see the emotions of others as valid I never grew up in a family where my dad yelled or threw things um but my husband did and I am so grateful that he has had the ability to get down on his knee in front of our little boys when they’re feeling something big and be able to empathize with them and now I don’t think it’s ever necessary or helpful to expose my kids to harsh situations in order to toughen them up