Sunburned Shenanigans: A Comedy of Tanning Gone Wrong

Everybody, half an hour I wanted to be on that lounge, David. And I said, come and wake me up. That was four and a half hours ago. What do you mean? What’s wrong? Look at me. I look like Clifford the Big Red Dog. Oh, well, I’m glad you came out and put suncream on the kids. Very responsible. Then what did you do? Look at me and say, I’m gonna let the bird roast. You should have come out, put some carrots in person. It’s all around me. What you mean? It’s not that, David, if I walked into a seafood restaurant, they would try and put me in a pot and boil me lobsters. Ready? Pinchy.

I am supposed to be going to a bottomless lunch tomorrow with Tracy. I’m gonna have to cancel. I’ll come. Don’t go like this. Tracy is going to be livid. How can I go out? David? Moving my face causes me agony. Look, this is how much I can move my face without it hurting. That was it. I just did it.

Oh, yeah, Dave. Yeah, brilliant. Imagine me in the photos tomorrow at brunch. Everyone will look at them and say, oh, who invited Elmo? Gone. Then, Dave, do tell me, what’s the silver lining? I look like I’m just for the football. How red, white and blue. Oh, do not, don’t you, Dave. Go to the shop and get me 30 gallons of after sun. Now I’m gonna go and have a very cold bath, although I’ll jump in, it’ll probably start boiling. Always one of the hot tub and summer. Get me a pins.