End of Days: Hollywood’s Apocalyptic Take on the Millennium

Good evening. The millennium, it comes along rarely. Once every thousand years to be exact. And that’s a really long time. And tonight’s report, we’ll take a look at how this whole apocalyptic clam bake is being portrayed in film. Joining me from Hollywood, Mr. Arnold Schwarzenegger. Arnold, welcome. Thank you, Tom. Nice to be here. By the way, I can tell that under your clothes you have a fantastic physique. Well, thank you. Body by Jake. Your new movie, end of days, takes an apocalyptic view of the millennium. Do you share that view? No, I don’t share that view. I think it’s. I think it’s all a lot of hogwash and bull crap. The film is a supernatural thriller, but it’s also got a lot of comedy hijinks. Oh, believe me, a sexy lady gonna be there. Devil is, he is going to be there. Believe me, he has a bone to pick. It’s going to be a two fisted drama for the whole family. Believe me, you’re gonna love it. I swear to god, it’s going to be fantastic. So you’re saying that this whole end of the world skeet shoot is much to do about nothing? Yeah, yeah, it’s all fiction. The world is not going to come to an end. It’s gonna be the same beautiful place. It’s gonna be fantastic. People reaching their goals out there. Except for poor people who are going to fall further and further behind, giving rise to teen pregnancy. And viral mutations that we cannot destroy. Believe me, there’s nothing to worry about. It’s gonna be the same beautiful world. Well, I, for one, Mister Schwartzenegger, saw end of days 5 times, and I believe every word of it. Ha ha ha ha ha ha! What are you going to do, Tom? Are you going to hide under your mama skirt? If you’re saying I’m chicken, then cluck, cluck! Listen, Tom, nothing is going to happen. The world is not going to fall apart. Everything’s going to be back. Tom and Greg are going to be back. Will and Grace are going to be there, too. People who pay their taxes, go to church. They’re still gonna be run over by a car. Al Sharpton’s going to be back. He’s going to be eating a fish sandwich. It’s all going to be there. So what you’re saying is that the whole kitten caboodle is still gonna be here? Even internet porn? What about the daytime judge shows? Absolutely. Judge Judy? Check. Judge Joe Brown? Check. The people’s court? It all gonna be there. Baby skin eagles, hate crimes against the gays, E! Entertainment Network, black lung, Pokemon craze. We kick homeless people off the sidewalks, but it’s okay for dogs to have a nap there. You don’t have anything to be afraid of, Tom. So let me get this straight. It’s all back. Liv Tyler. The unmet demand for organ transplants. Snapple. Yeah, now you’re getting the hang of It. How about raindrops on roses? Yeah! And whiskers on kittens? Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens? Brown paper packages tied up with string. Live from New York, it’s Saturday night.