The Unforgettable Reality: Limited Time with Family – Wake Up and Prioritize

The reality is your time with your family is limited. And I’m talking about both your parents and your siblings. Your time is limited. And I’m gonna break this down for you because I don’t think we stop and think about this in terms of the data. We think about it in terms of kind of generally how your life feels. But let me just explain what happens for the average person from zero to 18, those are the years that you will spend the most amount of time that you have with your parents and your siblings. And sometimes that time can feel like a prison. But the truth is when you zoom out and you really look at the data, it’s very sobering. Here it is. When you turn 18, the amount of time that you spend with siblings and parents, it basically drops off a cliff and you know this and it keeps dropping until you reach about age 26. And when you reach age 26, based on the data, you are now at a flat line for the rest of your life that whatever time you’re spending on a daily basis with your family, meaning your parents and your siblings, that’s it. And if you’re lucky, it tops out at less than an hour a day. Now for those of you that are part of a big family farm or you have a big family business or you’re a family where you have a multi generational House, which I think is super cool. You see your family a little bit more than average. But I want you to stop and think about this. You never see your family, do you? We lived a mile from Chris’s oldest brother as we were raising our kids outside of Boston. We never saw them. And Chris and I, we would talk about it all the time. Why don’t we hang out with your brother more? It’s almost like because they’re family, you sort of put them in the box of just defaulting to see them over the holidays. Right? And here’s another example. My mother in law, she lives three miles from me now. She’s 86 and her social calendar is busier than mine. Plus, I work full time. I’m lucky when she’s here in Vermont if I see her once every two weeks. Why? I don’t know. I guess I don’t really prioritize it. It’s not that I don’t like her. I just don’t really think about it. And let me just take a giant highlighter and really put this in perspective about how fleeting your time is with your parents and your siblings. My dad, Bob, he is turning 80 this year. His father was dead by the age of 81. Chris’s dad died at the age of 69 from esophageal cancer. So let’s just say I’m lucky and my dad lives another 10 years. Now, my dad and mom, they live in Michigan. So I only See my dad three or four times a year. So let’s put that in the context of how much time I have with him. If he lives 10 years, that’s 30 more weekends with my dad. When you do the math that way, doesn’t it make you think differently about it? Like, take my sibling, my brother. He lives in Chicago, and Derek’s got two twin boys who are freshmen in high school. And his public high school schedule and our public high school schedule, they are not on the same breaks ever. And so it’s not like we can go on spring break together. Plus, his kids are in competitive sports all summer long. Our son’s gonna go to college next year. When are we gonna see each other? And this isn’t a statistic where I’m trying to guilt you. This is the facts. And I don’t know what kind of relationship you have with your parents or with your siblings. So I want to ask you this question in the context of this statistic, especially as your parents are getting older. If you think about this moment and you look forward and you think about the limited amount of time that you have, what kind of daughter or son do you want to be from this moment moving on? What kind of a brother or sister do you want to be from this moment moving forward? And look, maybe you’ve been listening to the experts that we’ve had. On narcissism and difficult people. And you’re like, that’s it, I’m cutting them out. But for most of us, when you really stop and think about the reality that time is slipping through your hands and this person is the way that they are, and they are the way that they are because of their upbringing, their past experiences and their unhealed trauma. And there’s nothing you’re going to do to change it. But who do you want to be? And I want you to really think about this. This is why I call my parents three times a week. I, I just do it to check in because of who I want to be. And I find personally that the more that I check in, the better our relationship is, the more that they soften, the warmer that they are. And I realize why. It’s because when I call, they don’t feel forgotten. And it does make me incredibly sad to think that I might only spend 30 more weekends with my dad. And look, I, I need to say my mom and dad, but my dad’s older, so he’s the one that’s top of mind. And my mom just turned 75. She’s still kicking. So, mom, I need to see you, too, in case you’re listening. And as I’m sitting here, I can’t help but think, and I bet you’re starting to think this, too, you know, maybe I should find a weekend, uh, in the next month. To go down and see them. I mean, you just never know, right? Even though I saw him a couple weeks ago, maybe I should make another plan. And I think that’s a big takeaway. First of all, your time is limited. Do the math and think about how little time you actually have. And the second big takeaway is always have the next plan for when you’re going to see them next. That helps me a ton to know that I’ve got something in the books, we have something to look forward to, and that I’m checking in just because that’s the kind of person that I wanna be. And it’s important that you think about this because enjoying your relationships is not just about savoring them and being grateful that you have the time to have with them. Cause we all, and I don’t mean to be making fun of being grateful, but it can become very surface level. My message today is look at the data, look at the reality. And if you value this, your parents and your siblings, wake the hell up and start prioritizing it.