Conversations with Mom: The Unveiling of Kitchen Secrets and Missed Cooking Lessons

Okay, mom, don’t answer. Hope. Oh, god. What is a Dutch oven? It’s when you. Well, there’s two different ones. There’s one where you fart under the covers, and there’s a cooking thing. Why did you not tell me about Dutch ovens? Figured you knew. You knew. I’ve had two of them at the house. Where? Where? I’ll show you. What did you ever cook in a Dutch oven? A roast. What? A roast. That’s always been in the Crock Pot, right? I’ve also done it in the Dutch oven. You’ll see it. I’ll show you the pot when we go home. Yeah. What color is it? It’s blue. Ain’t no damn way. I have never. In my 49 years of life. You did not ever cook in a Dutch oven. I stayed my. I stayed out of the kitchen for a good reason. You always were out of the kitchen. I know not. When I was. I ate. I don’t know what a Dutch oven is. I’m about to call her right now because there is. Call her. I blame you for not teaching me. What? I blame you for not teaching me how to cook. You didn’t want to learn how to cook. You were always outside with the soccer ball. The whole point is you had Larosas. Larosa’s Pizza. Shout out to Larosa’s. Larosa’s Pizza. Every Friday. No. Yes. Wrong Wednesday, because that’s when I bowl with Brenda. Every Wednesday night, we would get Larosa’s. Colin, they Still haven’t on our thing. where have you been? Haha, you had. Listen, we had Spaghetti Tuesdays, shit on a shingle Friday, and then we had pizza Wednesday. What else did you make us? Bologna sandwiches? No, I made you roast because, uh. Uh. But the. The whole point is I did not get taught how to cook because you were outside playing all the time. Mom, you did not want spaghetti. Pizza. Shit on a shingle is not like freaking chef wayward Joni over here. We literally three thing I know how to make. Wait, I did learn how to make. What is that was like ground beef noodles, spaghettis and cheese mustard chollies. You made. Okay, well, that’s four items that you’ve taught me how to make in my life. You made homemade pizza. She got. She Learned how to make a homemade pizza again. Pizza. What else are you teaching us? What else did you teach me how to cook? I need to know. You made cakes, you made brownies, you made cookies. Haha, I want to. Hey, I can make a mean baked potato. I can order up 34 7 1 1 1. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The roses. You better sponsor me at this point cause I need to have it. What? Every Wednesday for my health. I made homemade lasagna a couple of times because you came in and kept messing around with the little machine. When. When. Heather, you tell me How you make homemade lasagna? I have a machine downstairs. Tell me how you make it. You make the flour. How you have to make it? Haha. You get the flour, you add the salt, you add the. The baking soda, baking powder. I put a little bit of sugar in mine. You mix it up, it’s like a dough. Then you run it through the machine and it makes strips. And I used to hang them on these wooden things and you’d go pick them off, you’d pull them down like you were. Yeah, you did. Oh, I wish your dad was here to show you. I wish he was here cause he call your ass out. Haha. No. Yes, ma’am. Swanson was like your best friend and I would make. Remember the cute steaks and stuff we buy in the chicken with the gravy from Swanson? You didn’t make it though. Then I made mashed potatoes. Homemade mashed potatoes and gravy. Well shit. What did you say? My point is I did not get. I did not get top bullshit. If it’s like cookie lessons, take me off. Haha.