okay but the thing is my goal actually is to make people have unrealistic expectations because the way that I’m being treated in this relationship is actually just how I have treated all of my ex partners so it’s funny because when it comes to men doing basic things like the things that he’s doing are so lovely and I appreciate everything about him like he’s so incredible but what he’s doing is things that women do for their families for their coworkers for their children for their husbands constantly and that is seen as a norm and if you’re anything below that then you are a failure or you are lesser than for men when they do bare minimum stuff or a bit above like what Adam does is not bare minimum but he does what most women do for their families and for their partners a lot of the time when a man does it it’s an unrealistic expectation which I don’t think it should be unrealistic I think this expectation when you say it’s an unrealistic expectation it puts the honest on the women in hetero relationships to have lower expectations on their partner when they are doing these things for their partner does that make sense so like the things he does I post one out of 100 kind things he does like he operates with kindness and empathy all day everyday and I do for him as well like we really take care of each other emotionally um physically like one of us is sick um we share the costs evenly we plan little surprises for each other he does more for me because I’m awful at planning um but there’s little things all day everyday and I guess I want people that in abusive relationships toxic relationships or recovering from those shitty relationships I want them to see that how they were treated previously is not realistic actually being treated with kindness is realistic being treated as a partner and being loved is realistic because I was told in all my relationships by friends family therapists by society by my abuser himself by my shitty boyfriends themselves that all relationships have issues and he was gotta work through them and like while Adam and I do have like points of tension I would say um they’re very much resolved within 24 hours and fully resolved without any resentment lingering um and I don’t think that I would share those small issues on social media for everyone to have an opinion on because my priority is my relationship and these things aren’t things that I’m like hiding that are awful it’s just like also would it require me to tell you guys personal information about our lives our history that I don’t think is really required um because it actually isn’t unrealistic to show how he treats me because we have one small issue so rarely and the rest of the time is heaven is heaven he’s like we treat each other so well so well so yeah I guess in summary I understand what you’re saying but I I just it makes me really sad that this is seen as unrealistic and I saw this unrealistic until I dated Adam that’s why I’m so shocked by it um but it shouldn’t be unrealistic because women do it for their friends and family constantly constantly like him booking a a a tennis court took him what 5 10 minutes very cute very sweet he’s an angel but like women are doing these things constantly we constantly bear the mental and emotional load whether it’s organising a morning tea for fucking International Women’s Day whether it’s organising all the Christmas presents whether it’s making sure there is a there’s flowers for his mum or Mother’s Day or whatever women do so much and it’s just that we’re sharing the emotional load equally and that may seem unrealistic but it shouldn’t be so if you want someone to share the emotional load and the fun romantic load as well not a romantic load um it’s realistic to want that and I think it’s better to hold out for that I think it’s better to hold out for unrealistic expectations than to settle for someone who’s gonna make you feel like shit so yeah I get what you’re asking but those are my that’s my thoughts