Orthopedic Resident Voicemail: Hilarious Prompts for Different Specialists

I called my orthopedic resident today to see why our case was delayed, and this is the voicemail I heard. You have reached the Ortho consult resident voicemail. Please listen carefully as the prompts have changed. If you are an anesthesia doctor, please stop looking at your sudoku puzzle. I don’t care how sick the patient is, we definitely need to fix their fracture. If you are an ER doctor, please put down your Monster Energy drink and make sure the patient both has X rays and you know the name of the bone that is broken. His leg is gnarly. Doesn’t really help me much. Lastly, if you are an internal medicine doctor, I’m sorry we had to admit the hip fracture to your service. Our protocol is that if the patient has a heart and lungs, we must admit them to medicine because we are not comfortable managing patients with those organs at this point. Press 1 if you still need to speak to me. Please have a very demure, very mindful day. Thank you.