Poker Billy: A Tale of Luck, Love, and Cheating Bastards

I fold. I’m out. Too rich for my blood. Okay, Billy, it’s down to you and me. What do you got? We’ll take a look at these. Karamba. Full house. Aces over jacks. Bare sevens, pair of sevens. Nobody’s that lucky. You cheating bastard. No one’s cheating, Billy. Full house beats pair of sevens. You won the hand. Really? Yes, yes. So that would make me the winner. Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. Oh, good. Poker Billy was a gambler. He never figured out the rules, but he loved it just the same. Now, sometimes Bill got lucky as more when you haven’t got a clue. Okay, how many? I’ll take two. Uh, one for me, please. Wait, how many cards do you want? Um, I’ll take eight. 9. No, 8. Well, I can’t do that, Billy. Not in five card draw. I could give you three. How’s that? You holding out on me? I said eight. Uh, listen, Billy, in five card draw, you. You can’t have eight cards. It’s sort of a five card draw tradition, you see. Oh, I get it. You two are in this together. You cheat bastard! Oh, fuck. What an ignoramus. Now, ignoramus is the word that’s often known, but in the case of poker, Billy, I think you’d be excused. Special classes couldn’t help him. Special teachers wouldn’t stay. Special doctors shook their heads and Billy’s parents ran away. 50, 60, 70. All there. Okay, this time let’s try to play a Very simple game. It’s called one Card Stud. Now, here’s how it works. I’m gonna deal one card to each player, face up. Whoever’s card is the highest numerically wins a chip. One of these things. Okay, everyone? Hey, Billy. Uh, I’ll. I’ll pick it up as we go along. Great. What the hell are you doing? You’re mixing up all the cards. Yeah, it’s called shuffling. I do it before every game. Yeah, well, this time you got caught. Here we go. Not at all. The part of me. I wouldn’t doubt it. I think his brain is very small. Yahoo! Jenny? Mm hmm? Who do you like better, me or Texas Jim? Why, Billy, you’re my ace of spades, and Texas Jim’s just a three of clubs. Ha, ha. What exactly are you saying? Well, Billy, you’re my royal flush, and he’s just a pair of deuces. I still don’t get it. Jenny, help me out here. Billy, listen carefully. I love you with all my heart. You could say I’m your queen of hearts. Get it? You cheating bastard? Not too bright. Come back soon. Poker Billy. That’s you, Billy. Oh, yeah, right.