Every night there are plenty grown men and women, let alone young teenagers and middle aged men and women that are suffering and silence. It is even worse to stay quiet with the disease of addiction. Trust me, I know. I stayed quiet for many years, but no longer do I stay quiet cuz I don’t ever wanna suffer in silence from here to you.
We are back relied with Mob wide star Renee Graziano talking about her devastating fentanyl overdose that almost took her life last September. We’re talking about burnout and people self medicate, mental health challenges, burnout challenges in the commercial rate. This is a live show. We’re talking. And you said to me something I’ve never heard anyone say. I said, oh, let me look at your tattoos. And you said, this is my.
The hand I took my pill with and my tattoos say caution, chaos, because caution, cuz here comes chaos.
And this was the hand that I.
Would take my pill. Whip. Cuz I’m left handed, so I took it in the right hand and drank with my I and I don’t drink by just with people get that confused about me. It was drug, it was an alcohol, you know, and I collect verify that because people be like, oh, you drink, no, that was drugs. I’ll drink like that. No, then, you know, say off drugs. Really. Stay off of.
18th,2023.
September.
You said you died that day.
I died twice that day, actually. So I was sober before I came back to Florida. I was in New York for a while. I came back to Florida and I had this notion, let me just do it. And I was out to lunch with my girlfriend in this very fancy restaurant, but I can’t tell you where because I have no recollection of a few days. But I know I was there with my girlfriend. I know that a friend of mine sent somebody to meet me and the kid accidentally, true story, accidentally gave me a bag of dope as opposed to . It was an accident. So I have his text messages. Okay.
I love that you’re trying to clear him up.
Okay. Trying to clear up. Okay, I didn’t mean like you should.
Be clear, right? I don’t think. Okay, so you were at the restaurant. The decision was made to have someone bring drugs. What drug were you expecting? Get? Okay. Okay. And the person who deliver what you thought was cote.
made and he accidentally gave me the wrong thing.
Gave you fentany?
It’s her , fentanyl. I don’t really know. I never touch it. Right.
You did you take it there at the restaurant?
I must have cuz that’s where I died. I and I 4 ribs and a double fractured sternum. And my girlfriend said I came back to the table, I sat down and I killed over. And.
How long were you in the hospital?
Nine days.
Leading up to this. Because you’ve had these moments from when you were 14. First introduce. 36 at the overdose in front of your mother and your son. What my friend Michael K. Williams, when he was on the show before he died, he said people focus in on what drugs are using. They don’t focus on what’s causing it.
And that’s it. I still.
Talk about. Do you sell that? Talk about the burnout that you felt needed to be satiated with drugs.
Okay, so for me, after my father died, my whole world crumbled. I kind of lost my, I lost my age identity, but forgive me. And I was constantly searching for this love that I don’t even know if it exists. It does for my grandchildren, but there’s this hole in my heart that it just feels, I feel empty. So I’m constantly trying to fill myself with projects and friendship and traveling. And when it’s not there, I’m in my head and on the sweatic and add on top of it.
So the things you thought were going to fill the hole were burning you out. You’re doing everything. You’re, you’re, you’re, yeah, you’re booked and busy.
And I’m living alone in Florida without my family because my family pretty much had enough of me and they’re like, move away. Like instead of like, hey, and forgive me, I love my family, but instead of saying, hey, we need to love her up because it’s love. That’s the problem. The problem is love. And I don’t care what anybody tells me. I think every addict, they’re missing love. There’s some sort of component with love, but not so beautiful.
I know that when you were in the hospital, to add to that hurry, no one visited you in the family.
Carla Fasciola from Mob Wives was the first one there. And seconds I was intubated, no one from my family came. My cousin Erica step by and I just found this out like in the last couple days cuz I brought it up. No one from my family, not my sisters, not my mother, not my son, nobody. And today I could tell you, I can understand it. Why would they wanna see that, you know, their mother or daughter or sister dead. Right. Or intubated with tubes down my throat. It’s not a good feeling of why should I do that to my son? Like I get it. And I do get it. And.
I also think, you know, to not judge, agree with them because we cannot agree, but also people deal with their trauma, right? Cuz you talk about the trauma that you’ve been living with. Trauma is a tree that branches out and it goes to everybody around us. So they’re not here to talk about their trauma, but I wanna make sure that people understand, you entered treatment in November.
I, November.
2nd. And part of the sobriety journeys included faith. You have faith, hope and freedom.
And it means if you have faith, there’s hope and freedom from what buying you. That’s what it means. It’s my share. So.
You said, I love this caption that you put on a video. You said life is so much better when you are sober. And how long have you been sober now?
Six months and six days. And it’s wonderful.
So I love it. You have six months and six days under your belt. Every day is a battle. Every day is a struggle. What are you doing to make sure that the burnout that you were feeling at that moment at that restaurant, right, is recognized and the daily things to try to keep it in.
Check. I increase praying a whole lot more right back. My God is my God. Like that’s why I talk to all day people driving next to me. I look like a loon. I’m constantly having a conversation with the man upstairs. But that’s my man. Like, I don’t need to date. I got a guy and he’s holy. I pray more.
I have more contact with my grandchildren. My son and I talk like every day. So there was a point that, yeah. And then ages had twin girls. Yes. And they’re my saving Grace. My son is my, oh, he’s my everything. He’s, he saved my life many times. And I don’t know if he knows just how special he is.
You can tell him he’s watching it.
Oh, I love you, buddy. Oh, and that’s.
My favorite. I know it’s an ongoing thing. I’d love that you’re working with other people, you’re sharing your story. You have to come back and see a six months. Yeah, counting. I can’t wait to celebrate the year. Cuz you’re gonna come back. Yeah, we’re gonna celebrate, baby, together. Thank you tonight for sharing her story.