Unpacking It Ends With Us by Colleen Hoover: A Reflective Look at Love, Abuse, and Empathy

I first read, well listened to, it ends with us, in the spring of 2017, right after it came out. And I have not read it again. I had been a Colleen Hoover fan from Slammed, and as an indie author, she was somebody that I very much looked up to in terms of like how to be successful as an indie author. She really kind of paved the way for a lot of us. So I don’t remember the book super well, except there are some definite things that stayed with me. And so I understand that the idea that the book is being presented for the movies, like a rom-com, is not good. This is a book that, I mean, let’s face it, this is the book that blew up Booktop. Like, you guys made the book, but the book made you too. And I remember thinking when I was reading it the first time that I did not like the Dear Alan chapters. It took me out of the story every time. I also remember thinking that it probably could have used another editing pass because there were lots of repeated phrases, and that is something as an author that I do myself. And so it was something that jumps out to me. It still jumps out to me because it is something that I have to actively work on with my writing. So those were the things that I remember about it initially. And also this. I am a fortunate woman in that I have never been in a relationship that had DV. But at the time that I started listening to this book, I had a dear friend who was in an abusive relationship. And I could not understand how she could give him another chance, how she could stay with him, how it could have happened in the first place. But it just, when it is not your lifestyle, when you have never been exposed to that, not like anyone chooses for it to be their lifestyle, right? It is quite hard to understand. And that book sort of gave me a new perspective on things not to say to her. I think I was able to sort of understand what she was going through. Not that I could ever truly understand it, because even seven years later, it still just baffles me that these things can happen, that these things do happen, that even after her ex-husband violated the order of protection and was convicted of like nine felonies, he got off with community service, that he just hasn’t worked a job that’s not under the table in the last eight years so that he doesn’t have to pay her any child support, but then gets out on social media and is talking about how he’s like father of the year and all this stuff. So anyway, I agree that it’s not a rom-com. I don’t feel like the book, I don’t feel like it glamorized violence. I mean, it’s got an ending that we all wish. Do I wish my friend’s ex-husband could have pulled his shit together and not been an evil bastard and have had a relationship with his kids? Yes, I do, for the sake of his kids, because the kids are freaking awesome human beings. They’re amazing women and they have had to deal with so much shit because of their father. So it’s a fiction book. We would like our books to have those happy endings, but I don’t. My personal opinion is that it wasn’t glamorizing it. Hang on. It wasn’t glamorizing it for the large portion of the population who does not have an experience with DV. It is actually somewhat educational because everyone’s first response is, well, why don’t you just leave? And so I think, I mean, maybe I don’t, I’m not going to tell somebody that if they feel like it’s glamorizing it or romanticizing it that it’s not, because those are your feelings. But I also think that for a mainstream fiction book to have made the huge impact that it has, maybe people will be a little bit more educated about DV. And yes, that is the angle we should be going with. And all I have to say is I really do wish my friend could have had the happy ending that Lily Bloom had because he’s stalking her again and he’s never going to stop.