Save Jordan’s Bronze: An American Warning to Mr. Olympics

Good morning there sleepyhead. Looks like someone’s finally waking up. Your head might hurt a little bit there buddy because you took a pretty hard fall there, Mr. Olympics. Listen, we just want to talk to you about our friend Jordan really quick. Now listen, we the American people, we don’t want any problems here, but we think we might’ve incorrectly heard that you want to take our girl Jordan’s bronze medal away in gymnastics. And we thought to ourselves, oh my gosh, that can’t be true because if it were true, that’d make us all very angry and angry Americans. Oh my God, you know, that could be very scary for some people. So here’s what we’re thinking. You let Jordan keep her well-earned, well-deserved bronze medal and go back home. And you issue her an apology, a written apology. And baby, you know, we’ll forget that this ever happened. Good talk. We’ll see you at the 2020 ALA Olympics, okay? And one more thing before you go, enough with the fucking break dancing.