Did you know this bagel contains the equivalent of three slices of bread? Did you know that two KitKat chunkies contain fewer calories than this handful of fruit and nut mix? That’s because two KitKat chunkies contains 404 calories. And this 80 gram handful of fruit and nut mix contains 410 calories. Is this more nutritious than this? Yes. Does that make this bad? No. That’s because these represent about 0.00007% of your overall diet across your entire life. Did you know that cooked tomatoes release more antioxidants and nutrients than uncooked tomatoes? Did you know the average UK adult consumes just 1.2 litres of water per day? That’s about half the recommended amount. Did you know track and field athletes consume a lot more sugar than the average person? Yet they appear to remain leaner than the average person. Do I need to explain why? Okay. It’s because the total amount of calories you consume and burn over long periods of time defines how much body fat you have, not the amount of sugar you eat. I have no idea why I’m using wine gums to explain this, but it’s just happened. And the difference between track and field athletes and the rest of us is that they burn a f***load of calories. So while anti-sugar zealots keep massaging their groins by saying sugar makes us fat, the rest of us can safely conclude that they’re idiots. These items of the universe have one thing in common. Their food. That includes the fruit and nut mix which I accidentally threw on the floor, sitting alongside my new golf shoes which look like pieces of shellfish. And while some people demonise these items by refusing to recognise them as food, they do so from a very unscientific place. These facts may surprise you, but not all of you. They may even interest several of you, or just a few of you. They may irritate many of you. Or they may soothe you. But whatever your reaction to these facts is, it doesn’t change the fact that they are facts. And facts are worth more than opinions. Nor does it change the fact that I’ve only disclosed a very small amount of information about all of these foods. Don’t worry, it’s nothing rude. 6.4 out of 10. Time for some fun. That was just stupid. Hopefully this was useful. This is actually surprisingly difficult.