Teatime Tales with Tilda Swinton: A Scottish Adventure

I was in London, I heard that Tilda Swinton was coming to my show and she did come. And she said to me, darling, you do spread so much joy. And you know, you need to rest now darling. You’ve been doing six shows in a row. I have a humble abode in Scotland. I would love for you to come for a visit. I’m going to cook for you and take care of you. I said, you know, I’ve never been to Scotland, Tilda. You know, I would love to come. So I took her up on it. She goes, we’ll meet at the train at 4.30 and the train departs at five. We’re going to have crumpets and some red wine and then we’re going to drive off to the humble abode. Well, we get there. It’s a 300 acre property with the castle. Oh my gosh. And she takes care of me. How is Sonia? How’s Sonia doing? And then I told her Dorinda was in Scotland doing trade. She’s like, oh, let’s do call her up. So I called Dorinda and of course she doesn’t answer because her phone’s confiscated. And I’m like, dee call me, I’m Tilda Swinton’s house. So we had the best time. You know, the family comes from 800, not 1800, 800. So she’s a real aristocrat from Scotland. Yeah, that’s wild.