Navigating Recovery: Embracing Change and Finding Peace

talk about my recovery journeys. And some people are still kind of confused. And I feel like some people are trying to beat a dead horse and say that I am not in recovery. And it’s not fair for me to say that in every single video. So let’s just talk about that, shall we? I’ve made a lot of videos over the six years, six and a half years that you guys have known me. And I know that it can be kind of confusing. So I was an active addiction for 10 years. I was an intravenous addict at the end of it for several years. And it was the worst time of my entire life. My daughter was my inspiration to stay sober after I got out of prison. She was born while I was incarcerated. She’s 12 years old now. And when she was six years old, I started YouTube. And I started abstinence. So I was an abstinence-based recovery for over seven years. And then that recovery changed. And I became calisobar because of my PTSD and insomnia. And I was having very bad, unalive thoughts. I came out of the cannabis closet. And at the time, I was very afraid of medication, prescription medication. And I was very honest about that. It was one of my biggest fears. So was cannabis. But I know me. And I felt like that was something that I could try because SSRIs always scared me. It’s something that I could try. And I would just see how I felt. And after months of just using cannabis for my insomnia and my PTSD and depression, then I received another diagnosis for ADHD. They kind of played lab rat with me. And I was put on a couple of different non-stimulant medications. And then when that did not work, they finally put me on a stimulant medication that I had been on for, I don’t know, a year and a half. It also took some time to find the right antidepressant for me. And that was just a long and exhausting journey. But we finally found a combo that works so that I don’t kill myself. And still people have the audacity to get on the internet and say that I am not sober and I am in a relapse and that I’m delusional because I am under the care of a doctor. So it’s not a relapse. Let me tell you, it is 2024. No one has time for that bullshit. Abstinence is not the only pathway. It’s not. And I’m just grateful to be here. I have survived a lot of shit, you know? I’m grateful that I had the courage to seek medical professionals when I knew that I was not okay. I went and I sought out help, which was very hard for me to do. I finally got it right and I am happy and healthy and thriving. So people that are beating a dead horse and putting all these clips together over six years saying, she’s lying about her recovery. She said she was afraid of pills and now she’s on pills. Shit changes, move on. I was afraid, it was scary. And years later, I’m doing great and I’m alive. I’m still here. So that’s gotta count for something. As for my struggle with alcohol, I’m in a lot better place with that now. I’m doing great with that now. And I was not doing great while I was enduring extreme abuse, physical abuse, narcissistic abuse, all of the things. And I was just trying to fucking survive. Okay? Cause that’s what we’re all trying to do. We’re all trying to survive. Mind your own recovery. Mind your business when it comes to what people put in their body. I don’t care if it’s a dick or a pill. If they’re healthy and thriving and not causing harm to themselves or others, then mind your own fucking business. Jessica, you put it on the internet for everyone to see. Actually, some shit was leaked. I never wanted to tell y’all that I was on stimulant medication because of the stigma, but here we are. Here we fucking are. And it is what it is. I’m not the same person that I was six years ago because shit changes. And thank God I’m not that person. I was in such a bad place. A lot of it was denial, but yeah, I’m happier and healthier now. If y’all are really out here in 2024, piecing together every single little thing that a YouTuber ever said in the history of ever and trying to make them out to be a liar when they’re talking about their recovery journey that has changed over time, you need help. Something’s not clicking. Maybe it’s just you’re trying to get that ad revenue. And get it how you live, dude. Use me as clickbait all you want, but what you will not do is put dirt on my name and say that I am in a relapse. I am not in a relapse. I was not in a relapse last year. Not in a relapse now. I have not been on drugs since 2011, unless we’re talking about the two medications I take so I don’t kill myself or the cannabis that I use. I have a medical card and it’s just a tool that is in my toolbox to also help me not kill myself. So have the day you deserve.