Sleep Like an Astronaut: Hal Pacino’s Banking Adventure

Alright, here we go. Balance. Balance. Alright. Checking. Alright, here we go. Press one for customer service. It’s ringing. Alright. It’s ringing. Alright. Alright. Hi, this is Wells Fargo. My name is Sasha. How can I help you today? My name is Alfredo J. Pacino, and I got some grief with my moolah. What’s up with that? Well, what is the problem? The sleepy store won’t take my debit card because it’s acting stupid. Well, let me just look up your information. What is your account number? My account number. I don’t know my account number, but I’m going to say it’s got a four in it. Alright, Mr. Pacino, it appears that you have a balance of negative $14 in your checking account. Oh, flabby Jack. What’s my savings look like? In savings, you actually have $12.7 million. Oh, that’s good. So where do we go from here? Would you like me to transfer some money from your savings account? I can do that right now. Yeah, yeah, but first let me ask you. How much do you think it costs to buy one of those astronaut mattresses that comes with a glass of wine on it? I think they’re pretty expensive. Expensive, what, like 20 grand? No, I would say maybe $600. $600, okay. I need to transfer $620 into my checking. I’d be glad to do that for you. Can I suggest something regarding your account? Suggest away, Wells Fargo. What’s up? I see that you have over 200 transfers this month and most of them have been under $50. That’s a lot of service fees. Sasha, I gotta have this mattress. When I don’t sleep, I turn into a real son of a bitch. You could transfer larger amounts less often? Listen, where I come from, you keep 20 in your sock and the rest under the top in your crawl space. I understand. So why don’t you take $620 from my crawl space and put it in my sock? Why? The deposit will be in your sock by midnight. Can I help you with anything else? Sasha, you are a sharp girl. Don’t ever let the boys make you feel less than. I sure won’t, Mr. Puccino. I’m gonna sleep like an astronaut tonight. Oh yeah, come on. Walk it. This has been Hal Puccino checks his bank balance.