These are too loud in the theater. It’s kind of fucking wild. Music isn’t loud enough. I need it in me. Welcome to a brand new 4D experience. It’s the 4D Ildo. You just stick it right out, play your favorite music, and experience it from the inside. E. Gads, I hath accidentally sent thine a picture of mine- Wait, I need to read this in a different voice. E. Gads, I hath accidentally sent thine a picture of mine cock and balls. Prithee, delete it. Unless you desire. Nay, nay, I jest. Delete it. Talk to Leliana, because we need to pick up her companion quest. Approximately ten hours later. Okay, let’s leave camp. I already need to go to camp. I lied to you, you know, about why I left Orlé. I knew it! Okay, buckling for safety. Here we go. One eternity later. Thank you for trusting me with this, dude. Thank you for listening. Fight the archdemon, archdemon, or listen to Leliana’s exposition, real final boss found. I was told it would be an easy job. Killed the little red head, go. You came to kill me? He probably means you, yeah, dude. Leliana? Oh, so lovely to see you again, my dear. Oh, dude, I hope she comes back in Dragon Age Inquisition or Dragon Age 2. Remember to talk to Leliana, finalize her quest. Do I really have to? Do I really, really have to? Like, talk about what happened today? The next day. By calling the lands meet, I’ve struck the first blow. You have my sympathies on what happened to your order. I don’t accept the sympathies of a deserter and regicide. Oh! Oh! The pros send their greetings once again. So they sent you, Taliesin. I’m not coming back, and you should have stayed in Antiva. See, the reason why he’s undyingly loyal to us is because we bottomed for him. You guys gotta remember that. See you, Taliesin. I am free of the crows. So what does this mean? I do not know, but I am wondering if it is not time for me to leave. What? Don’t you want to stay for the treasure? Mmm, alright. I trust you’ve made yourself comfortable. Yeah, yeah, actually, very nice, yep. Good, because it’s likely to be your last rest for a while. Huh? I am Queen Inora’s handmaiden. She sent me here to ask for your help. I think her life is in danger. I will go ahead to House Estate. Meet me there as soon as you can. Alright. Whistle My host was not content with leaving me under heavy guard. He sealed the door by magic. Find the mage who cast the spell. He’ll most likely be at House Side. Yeah, alright, I’ll be back soon. Don’t worry. Thank you, Warden. Who’s this? Is it Halcyn? I thank you for creating such distraction, stranger. I have been waiting days for this. The amount of you that think this guy is absolute smash material is probably very, very high, and I respect it. Okay. Taint suck, uwu, raar. Okay. My thanks. To the armor, dude. It’s called fashion, like. In the name of the regent, I am placing you under arrest for the murder of Rendon Howe and his men-at-arms. Surrender, and you may be shown mercy. I’m here to free Inora, who was held captive. The Queen isn’t being held prisoner here or anywhere else. She’s right here. Tell her, Inora. What? Sir Cathrian. Praise the maker you’re here. This brigand tried to kidnap me. What? What? You double-crossing bitch! Unbelievable. Bring them down. Loghain wants the Warden dead or alive. What the fuck just happened? I’m gonna win this fight. What just happened? Eamonn, I may have done a terrible thing. Barely met, and already she betrays us. She and my mother- What the fuck just ha- did I skip something? I alt-sett forward. Alright. Fuck. Eamonn, I may have done a terrible thing. Mesh. Barely met, and already she betrays us. She and my mother would get along famously. What in undrusty’s name has happened? Are you alright? The Wardens have been captured. Oh, but she leaves out the best part of this tale. The part where she threw us all at Loghain’s henchmen and ran. What? How could this happen? Never mind that. Never mind that?! If only you mean them. Yes, we need Alistar too. Yes, of course I meant Alistar too. I know where they are. The Grey Warden is in possession of a ring that allows me to locate him. I knew there was a good reason why we fucking put that ring on, dude. Oh, you’re awake. Where are we? I’m not entirely sure. Fort Draken perhaps? That doesn’t really bode well for us. Dude, let’s get the fuck out of here. Come here, bitch. I’m hitting for- Get out of here! Why do I use weapons if I’m hitting for 50s with my fucking bare hands? Put on the uniforms. Dude, massive! We can walk right out of here. And so I should- What’s this? Ah, you’re late. The rest of your patrol is in the storage room. Find them and get yourselves ready for inspection. And so I shall. I’m not gonna go that way. There’s gotta be a way out of here, dude. I just have to have five real quick. What’s the password? Rosebud. That’s kind of fruity for a password, don’t you think? Happy 2009. Fellas, is it gay to mention flowers? Alright, let’s go talk to these dudes. Maybe they’ll have the password. I was told we should get ready for inspection, man. Thank a maker. You there, blondie? Yes, sir? What’s the one thing a soldier can’t do without? His sword. What did I tell him? A sword, yeah, his sword. A weapon, sir. Ugh. You really are as dumb as you look. Fuck! There’s no way you can pass the inspection now. You lose fun or way there up. What’s the one thing a soldier can’t do without? Well, that’s obvious. Discipline. Discipline, sir. Hmm. You’re not as dumb as you look. Hey, dudes. We made it back. Maker’s breath. It’s good to see you in one piece, my friend. Indeed. After you were rather alarming. We stab her right in the heart. Quick stab right in the heart. That’s sweet. It almost makes me want to kill you less. Well, what did you expect me to do? You announced me to my father’s most trusted lackey. Did the purpose of my disguise entirely escape you? We did not snitch on her. What? What? Yes, you did. Please, you snitched on her. Was there any way to get out of that situation without, like… Okay, no, I don’t care for her at all. But you also need a stronger candidate for the throne. You need me. Sounds more like you need us, bitch. I have no doubt Alistair is biddable enough, but even with his blood, he is no king. I am what this country needs, not an untrained king who does not even want the throne. I can help you stop my father. Consider what I have said. What this country needs is someone who doesn’t want the throne and is looking after its best interest. We did not fight the Orlesians all those years just to lose our royal line in a single generation. Not when there’s a surviving son of the blood. Or maybe Alistair should marry a Nora, dude. Are you serious? No. Never mind. I don’t even want to hear the rest of this. You two just keep talking about me. I’m gonna stand over here with my fingers in my ears. That would certainly solve a lot of problems and put forth the strongest argument before the lands meet. Yeah. Unfortunately, marriage would never happen unless they both agreed to it. This season on The Bachelor!