The terrible twos is actually a toxic, uh,
social construct. Two was a piece of cake.
You do not know crazy until your child turns three.
Your child turning three.
So as it turns out, three was fine.
Three was like, compared to what I’m going through now,
three was cool. Because let me tell you, four,
it’s actually chaotic. I’m about to lose my mind,
and I’m. And I’m not joking.
Here’s a question, and this is for all the four year olds out there.
If you’ve gotten everything that you need this far in life with just,
like, simple words,
maybe some gestures, you know,
some hints, why would you think that all of a sudden
you need to be crying to get everything that you want?
No, because historically,
we haven’t had to do that.
You are well fed, well taken care of.
You get everything that you need.
And we never had to do none of this crying business before.
So why is we crying now?
Why is we crying over swing?
And why would you fall on the ground like that?
And why would you do it in front of all these people?
What’s going on? Why?
Get up off the floor before I lose my mind.
Okay,
off that. Here’s another question.
Who is you talking to?
Who is you talking to and why you think it’s me?
I don’t understand how somebody who don’t pay no bills
walk around here with an attitude.
You wake up 2 o’clock in the morning,
walking around here asking for yogurt and water
like you pay bills in this house.
Waking up every goddamn body in this house cause you’re hungry.
I need some cold water.
No. Okay.
Now you see me about to square up
cause I’m tired. If three wasn’t injustice to humanity,
four is a war crime. Four is a war crime!
I’m losing my mind. I’m losing my mind
because this dude. This dude who walk around like he own the place.
Okay, no,
it’s me, right?
Cause I’m supposed to deal with it
cause you’re four. It’s me, right?
It’s me, right?
No. Okay,
no, that’s cool.
I love that. I love that for us.
I love what we’re going through right now.
And if five is not better,
you better call your grandmother,
cause you’re not staying here.