Oldman insurance emergency line.
How can I help? He’s 101 years old,
you’ve been married for four months,
and he just looked at another woman.
Okay, now,
don’t panic, but there’s no time to waste.
Now, ordinarily,
I would suggest a subtler approach,
but I’ll be honest with you,
we’re running out of time,
so we’re going to have to pull out the big guns.
Okay, now,
is he in the house? Now he is.
Okay, I want you to go up to him
and tell him you can’t go as Aladdin to Halloween.
Anything
grumbling. Alright,
that’s a start. Tell him
the British Museum has announced they’re giving everything back.
No. Okay.
Tell him Kamala is brat.
Mm hmm. Show him a picture of Zac Efron’s face.
He looks scared. Okay,
now try reading him fanfiction of Sherlock Holmes.
What’s he doing? He’s not moving.
Shallow breathing. Okay,
now get very close and whisper into his ear.
They found more logs from Jeffrey’s jet.
And he’s gone. Congratulations.
No, not really.
But you can just sort of assume you,
can’t you? Anyway, listen,
I’m always happy to help. Yeah,
a funeral? Uh, no,
you can just flush him down the toilet.
Okay. Alright.
Anyway, you enjoy spending his children’s inheritance,
and I’ll speak to you soon.
Alright, bye. Bye. Bye now.